Bad elf on the shelf2/20/2023 ![]() When it comes to encouraging positive behavior, Tangeman counsels families to focus on what skill their child is lacking that is leading to an unwanted behavior, then working to strengthen their abilities in that area. "If you're embracing the Santa story in your home, Santa is going to come and bring presents if your child has the belief in Santa, not based on whether or not your child displays good behavior." "Separating out the magic of Elf on the Shelf from Christmas gifts contingent on behavior is important," she says. When Sugar Cookie showed up at Grayson's home, it wasn't about Grayson's behavior - it was just about the magic.Įggert tells Yahoo Life she decided to offer her Elf on the Shelf ideas as a kit, available through her Instagram account, so other parents who are interested in taking the behavior-shaming aspect away from the holiday activity can have a resource to do so. "We didn't want it to be a weird surveillance thing," Eggert explains, "that seems like it would be really stressful for kids."īut when deciding to elf or not to elf, what's a parent to do? Do focus on holiday magic ![]() Instead, Tangeman encourages parents to rely on more positive and proactive behavior interventions, avoiding punishments like not receiving gifts on Christmas and rewarding kids when they exhibit behaviors parents want to see more of.Įggert says she and her husband made the conscious decision early on not to communicate the "Santa knows whether you've been naughty or nice" message to their son when teaching him about Christmas. The Elf on the Shelf and its vigilant ways would qualify as this type of method. It's then that parents may use what she calls "default technologies," basically saying to a child, "if you don't do what I want you to do, something bad will happen." Tangeman says when moms and dads lack the right tools, parenting sometimes becomes reactive. "I think the holidays should be a time to really focus on family and enjoying the holiday spirit." "It's really unfortunate that The Elf on the Shelf is being used as a way to manipulate and control behavior," she says. Michelle Tangeman, a Los Angeles, Calif.-based licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in child behavior, says it is … kind of. ![]() David Kyle Johnson called Elf on the Shelf a "dangerous parental crutch," which allows parents to disengage from the responsibility of healthy guidance and discipline in favor of threats from an inanimate object. The Atlantic columnist Katie Tuttle called the popular holiday activity a "marketing juggernaut dressed up as tradition," offering that one shouldn't "bully child into thinking good behavior equals gifts." And, in Psychology Today, Dr. Still, criticism of the Elf on the Shelf is wide and varied. Story continues Can the tradition stress kids out? ![]() Each morning, children find their elf in a new place causing different mischief than the day before: That's the magic. Each night, the elves return to Santa and report on the day's events then come back. 24, now known as the start of "Scout Elf Return Week," through Christmas Eve. Related video: Learn the story behind the original 'Elf on the Shelf'Īccording to the now iconic book, written by Carol Aebersold and daughter Chanda Bell, scout elves come down from the North Pole and stay in kids' homes from some time around Nov. Released in 2005, The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition tells the story of a special holiday scout elf sent from the North Pole to encourage good behavior and report back to Santa whether a child has been naughty or nice: a simple twist on the classic "Santa knows" lore. "But then, when he couldn't see his grandparents for Christmas," Eggert says, "I made it my mission to make his Christmas as magical as possible, and that meant Sugar Cookie was going to have to really bring it." What is Elf on the Shelf? Like many parents, Eggert saw the toy as just another thing to stress about during an already overbooked holiday season. ![]() "We had done Elf on the Shelf the two previous years, but I always ended up forgetting about it and completely dropping the ball," Eggert, who lives in Orlando, Fla., tells Yahoo Life. ![]()
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